Happy Birthday from the TSA

Is it the uniforms or the stern expressions? I don’t know—maybe it’s nothing so tangible. Some people are afraid of clowns. Not me. But I travel in fear of the TSA!

It didn’t help when a security official yelled at me a few years ago in a screening line in Jamaica for putting something in a bin that didn’t “need” to go in a bin (I forget what). Looking back, I think he must have been having a worse day than I was. Well, of course—I was actually quite pleased to be going home.

It doesn’t matter where I’m going, though: approaching the security screening always makes me squirm. No, I don’t have anything to hide, but I know, I just know I’ll do something wrong.

Back in April I started worrying about my trip to South Dakota, because my driver’s license was due for renewal on my birthday this year. Oh, the anxiety that I would forget! And forgetting could mean more than an expired license going unnoticed in my wallet for a few days. Since I planned to travel the weekend of my birthday, I imagined myself getting stranded, able to fly to Omaha with a still-valid ID but unable to come home two days later.

Finally, I read one of the email reminders the DMV kept sending me, and I discovered I could renew my license online, which I promptly did. (If the DMV doesn’t care that my photo will be 13 years old the next time I renew my license, then I’m not taking my chances on a new picture. And yes, I will take the free pass out of waiting in line!)

With the worry over renewal subsiding, I began to wonder: could I have slipped through anyway? Does anyone really look at your ID when they check it? Could I have glided past those threatening TSA watchdogs, picked up the keys for my rental car, and flown home without a hitch?

What if, what if … but I’ll tell you the answer is no. I couldn’t have gotten away with it, at least this time. The first TSA official I encountered before boarding my flight to Omaha took my license and really looked. I saw her eyes scan it as she checked the various items of information. I watched her focus on the picture and then gaze up at me. (She seemed skeptical, I thought—no doubt the girl in the picture looked too young.) She didn’t simply go through the motions, either, because as she returned the license to me, she wished me a good day and then added, “Enjoy your birthday.” It was Friday morning, May 11, the eve of the best day in the whole month. And she noticed.

“Thank you,” I replied. And I proceeded through the security screening with a smile.