Falling into the Black Hole of January

It is Dark times. It is the last day of that month when all the candles from Christmas fail to push back the gloom. It is a season that seems lost in perpetual twilight.

Last year, I fell into the black hole that is January--I remember well. I began the month excited to take my gift cards and Christmas money on a trip to the outlet mall. I even scheduled a day of vacation from work. First on my shopping list: new running gear. Somehow, when the appointed day arrived, I couldn't imagine walking into a sporting goods store without feeling sick to my stomach. I didn't go.

I kept running down in that hole, I kept "training" all month long because I had to. Running is my therapy, my medicine, my drug of choice, and I suppose it's not even ironic when it becomes my greatest torture also.

Now here has come another January, and my reflections on the past year have turned to brooding. I keep running, but my steps are a candle against the Night. I can't push it back forever. So I contemplate my options. I think of taking time out. Sometimes, the opportunity to contemplate ends without resolution, as forces stronger than my will whittle away at my choices.

I am dreaming of Myrtle Beach. I looked through some old pictures a while ago, thinking wistfully, "Those were good times." As if such moments could not be had again. And yet Myrtle Beach is still there, my now-traditional season opener is still on the calendar. After that there's the National Marathon, there's Boston and then on to Luxembourg. On my shopping list now, a new pair of shoes. Probably, this time, not pink.

So ... tomorrow is February.

Hope for Light

These Are Why (I Shun Shorts)

Scrolling back through my post on the demise of my Under Armour running pants (see "The True Story of My Breakup with Under Armour"), I can’t believe how dramatic I made it all seem. But then, looking at the recent pictures of me in my new (well, still new to me) running SHORTS, I remember why I shunned them for years. And this is why. Or rather, these are why! See the legs poking out? They happen to be similar to some other legs in my family. We put the blame on an ancestor a few generations back. Of course, we don’t have a picture of this ancestor’s legs, only her face. (She never confronted the dilemma of buying running shorts!) In her defense, she can blame the bad picture on the photography of the era, but we will continue to blame her for all the physical traits we don’t like. It makes a convenient circle.

These knees are courtesy of The Ugly Lady

Sigh … if you ever flip through a running magazine (I make it a point not to), you’ll notice how everyone looks beautiful and svelte. Just like the models in fashion magazines, only maybe a little more obviously muscular and dressed in sportswear. You may deceive yourself into thinking (especially as it’s the time for New Year’s resolutions) that if you exercise regularly, let alone run a marathon, you will look like that, too. FYI: these legs here just ran a marathon. So don’t get your hopes up!